2 Awful, Terrible, No Good Times To Drive On Memorial Day Weekend!

When not to drive on Memorial Day Weekend, according to the experts.

Ah, Memorial Day weekend—a time when the road gods decide to play a practical joke on us unsuspecting drivers.

42.3 million people will hit the roads this weekend. So buckle up, folks, as we embark on a snarky journey through the comical nightmare that is driving during this holiday extravaganza.

Imagine a dance floor where cars twirl and swirl, their blinkers flickering like disco lights. Yes, folks, Memorial Day weekend gives us the privilege of participating in the infamous Traffic Tango—an enchanting spectacle where everyone attempts to merge, but no one knows the steps.

Move over, NASCAR! Memorial Day weekend unveils the greatest race of all: the Race to the Beach. Witness drivers frantically competing for that prime spot in the sand, as if the ocean would vanish if they arrived a minute late. It's a spectacle that would make even the most skilled Formula 1 drivers weep in confusion.

Remember that thing called patience? Well, it seems to go on vacation during Memorial Day weekend. Drivers transform into impatient beings with the attention span of a goldfish. Honking, finger-wagging, and passive-aggressive glares become the norm as we all forget how to wait without losing our minds.

In this twisted game, tailgating is not reserved for football fans. Oh no! During Memorial Day weekend, it becomes a celebrated art form. If you've ever dreamt of having an intimate connection with the bumper in front of you, fear not—it shall be fulfilled! Just don't forget to leave some room for suspense.

Behold the urban legend: finding a parking spot on Memorial Day weekend. It's like spotting a unicorn riding a flying pig—impossible, yet strangely mesmerizing. Brace yourself for endless rounds of circling parking lots, praying for the parking gods to bestow their elusive blessings upon you.

Embrace the absurdity, savor the snark, and remember that in the midst of the traffic madness, there's always room for a good chuckle. Safe travels, or should I say, hilarious misadventures!

AAA predicts will be the “busiest day on the roads” this holiday weekend, per a travel analysis published May 15.

That's it. Stay off the roads.

Also? The other worst time is mid-day Monday. When everyone is heading home. Makes sense!

Have a great weekend!

Boston making the Top 10 on a Worst City For Holiday Traffic list should surprise no one. Let's be honest, it's bad here year-round!

The team at Fractl published this study a few weeks ago: Is Your City the Worst For Driving in America? Here’s What You Should Know. Their blog post is chock-full of chunky data and cool-looking graphics. And there's a lot about Boston to dive into. Let's take a look at a few of the major takeaways takeaways, to start with.

Fractl "analyzed Boston traffic along seven variables including traffic congestion, stops, and fatalities. Then, they compared this data with the 50 most populous US cities." Below are some highlights.

Once you crunch all the numbers, you see why Boston ends up in the Top 10 overall for "Worst Cities For Driving." The criteria used to come to this dubious distinction? Congestion Level, Traffic Jams, Length of Traffic Jams, Hours Lost In Congestion, Last Mile Speed, and Distracted Driving Fatalities. In other words, all the nasty, awful stuff that makes traffic, well, traffic-y.

Add holiday travel patterns into the mix and you end up with a not-so-Merry Christmas for folks on the road in and around Boston. Again, you can take a look at the entire study here. I'll take you through the Top 10 cities below so you can see exactly where Boston ranks and all the other cities you need to be mindful of this holiday season. Oh, and keep this list of Best Cities For Layovers handy, too.