An Open Letter to Young Boston Sports Fans Who Love the Patriots

If you're one of the hordes of young Boston sports fans who count the Patriots as your favorite team, please read this.

I'd like to start by defining the term "young Boston sports fans." For the purposes of this piece, that's any fan that's only ever know large-scale winning in Boston sports. Your fandom started in the early 2000s, with the first part of the Patriots dynasty, the 2004 curse-breaking Red Sox World Series, and the Celtics and Bruins Championships that followed a few years later.

And while that World Series and those Celtics and Bruins Championships were cool, it was the Patriots that were--and are--your first love. Maybe you named your dog (or your kid!) Brady. Maybe your name is Brady. Maybe you have the "In Bill We Trust" bumper sticker on your car or the Belichick-drinking-OJ avi on your reply-guy Twitter account. You're a Pats die hard, through and through.

And your life is now a living hell.

I feel your pain. I came of age as a Boston sports fan in the '80s. My favorite team was the Red Sox. Sure, they made it to the World Series in '86. But you know how that one ended. They were a middling AL East team in the early '80s, won the AL East a few times to round out the '80s, then spent the bulk of the '90s as an occasionally competitive but otherwise forgettable franchise.

And that, my young Patriots fan, is where your franchise is now, in the post-Brady, Bill Belichick twilight: occasionally competitive but otherwise forgettable. The good news is this won't last forever. The bad news is, since you've only ever know winning, it's going to feel like it lasting forever. As I'm typing this, your Patriots are 1-5 and might not win another game this season. That's tough.

I coped with my favorite team sucking by learning about and rooting for other teams. I  became a fan of the Dodgers in the late '80s because I found their history to be fascinating: Jackie Robinson in '47, beating the Yankees in '55. Maybe it's time for you to find a new team to get behind. Old school New England football fans rooted for the Giants back before we had the Patriots. There's history there.

Or maybe just take a break this fall and come back and give it another shot next season. Better yet, just stop watching football altogether. 18 minutes of actual action in a 3-hour game where virtually every play is bookended by commercials? You can do better. And the Patriots can do better. But it's going to be awhile before they do. So buckle in, young Patriots fan. It's a hard road ahead.

Maybe it's time to swap out that Twitter avi.

They're 1-3. Their QB is suspect. They're a shell of their former selves. The Patriots suck, and you deserve better.

Look, I get it. For two decades, you happily spent each and every autumn Sunday cooped up in your man cave or rumpus room or what have you, watching your beloved Patriots make mince meat of the competition. With Coach Bill Belichick at the helm and Tom Brady--the greatest QB of all time--leading the charge, your New England Patriots made it to NINE Super Bowls in a twenty-season span. And they won six. In your lifetime, you will never see another pro sports team go on a run like that.

No, I'm serious. You never will. And it's over now. So it's time to make a choice.

Sure, you can continue to sacrifice your Sundays to the NFL gods, watch a sub-par Patriots team roll to a 5-12 record, and go to bed mad. But what kind of choice is that? And let's be honest, it's not just the Patriots that are sub-par. The NFL product itself leaves much to be desired by way of sports entertainment. According to this piece from FiveThirtyEight: "An average NFL broadcast lasts well over three hours, yet it delivers a total of only 18 minutes of football action." And when that action leads to head trauma that leaves players staggering around the field or laid out and giving the fencing response, you need to ask yourself: what exactly am I watching here?

You said it, not me: fall is the best season in New England. So give Bill and the gang a break and take back your Sundays. Get out and enjoy all that fall has to offer. I said it: you deserve better.

Here's a handful of orchards I like and an apple-picking song I wrote with my good friend Hardy to inspire you.

https://rock929rocks.com/listicle/let-adam-12-and-hardy-take-you-apple-picking-in-massachusetts/

Or a haunted graveyard. Or a haunted forest. We've got a lot of haunted places here in MA.

https://rock929rocks.com/listicle/the-12-most-haunted-places-in-massachusetts/

Still want to surf the sofa on Sunday? That's fine. You'll do better with one of these than Sunday Night Football.

https://rock929rocks.com/listicle/the-12-best-stephen-king-movies-chosen-by-you/

Why stop at the Stephen King spooks?

https://rock929rocks.com/galleries/the-greatest-horror-movie-villains-12-inch-poll/

We've got breweries from all over New England for you to check out.

https://rock929rocks.com/2020/09/09/local-breweries-to-visit-this-fall/

Not a beer drinker? We've got you covered.

https://rock929rocks.com/listicle/10-best-cocktails-for-the-fall-season/

Peak foliage is almost upon us. Blink and you'll miss it.

https://rock929rocks.com/listicle/new-englands-best-foliage/

Or a corn "maize," if you're feeling punny.

https://rock929rocks.com/listicle/the-1-corn-maze-in-america-is-right-here-in-new-england/

Or, if you're feeling lazy, let someone else do the carving for you.

https://rock929rocks.com/listicle/1000-carved-illuminated-pumpkins/

And remember: if you buy it AFTER Halloween, you get a discount AND you save money!

https://rock929rocks.com/listicle/each-states-favorite-halloween-candy-we-couldnt-be-prouder-of-massachusetts/

Halloween is on a Monday this year, so you know the weekend before is going to be chock-full of Halloween parties.

https://rock929rocks.com/musthaves/80s-and-90s-inspired-halloween-costumes-that-are-always-a-hit/

An apple cider donut, that is.

https://rock929rocks.com/listicle/heres-where-to-get-the-best-apple-cider-donut-in-massachusetts/