There’s Never Been a Better Time to Stop Watching Football

Whether you're a Patriots fan or not, there's never been a better time to stop watching football than right now.

A few clarifications upfront. I'm talking pro football here. I know next to nothing about college football; that's not my focus here. Nor is it youth football. If you want your kid to play youth football, that's your business. Just bear in mind that concussion rates for children under 19 who participate in tackle football have doubled over the last decade. You can read more about that here.

No, my little mini-essay is for the NFL fan. I was thinking about pro football after putting together this list of 12 things to do this fall instead of watching the Patriots suck. That list is geared toward Pats fans, obviously, but if you're a fan of another team that stinks, you might find it handy, too. And if you're fan of NFL football in general, I have a message for you.

Let's be honest: as an entertainment product, NFL football stinks. According to this piece from FiveThirtyEight: "An average NFL broadcast lasts well over three hours, yet it delivers a total of only 18 minutes of football action." And when that action leads to head trauma that leaves players staggering around the field or laid out and giving the fencing response, questions need to be asked.

And that's all I'm trying to do here, to get football fans to ask themselves: "why am I choosing to do this to myself?" Old habits die hard, as they saying goes. I get it. And as Americans, we do a lousy job of poking holes in those habits. We're big fans of saying "we've always done this" or "things have always been this way" without ever asking why. So ask yourself why. And answer yourself honestly.

Maybe your honest answer will be that, despite the decline in product, harm to players, and the end of the Patriots dynasty, you just love football and love spending your Sundays watching it. But maybe it won't. Maybe you'll find you're ready for something new. And as comedian Joe Pera illustrates below (riffing on his beloved Buffalo Bills before they got good), Sundays can be a joy. Without football.

They're 1-3. Their QB is suspect. They're a shell of their former selves. The Patriots suck, and you deserve better.

Look, I get it. For two decades, you happily spent each and every autumn Sunday cooped up in your man cave or rumpus room or what have you, watching your beloved Patriots make mince meat of the competition. With Coach Bill Belichick at the helm and Tom Brady--the greatest QB of all time--leading the charge, your New England Patriots made it to NINE Super Bowls in a twenty-season span. And they won six. In your lifetime, you will never see another pro sports team go on a run like that.

No, I'm serious. You never will. And it's over now. So it's time to make a choice.

Sure, you can continue to sacrifice your Sundays to the NFL gods, watch a sub-par Patriots team roll to a 5-12 record, and go to bed mad. But what kind of choice is that? And let's be honest, it's not just the Patriots that are sub-par. The NFL product itself leaves much to be desired by way of sports entertainment. According to this piece from FiveThirtyEight: "An average NFL broadcast lasts well over three hours, yet it delivers a total of only 18 minutes of football action." And when that action leads to head trauma that leaves players staggering around the field or laid out and giving the fencing response, you need to ask yourself: what exactly am I watching here?

You said it, not me: fall is the best season in New England. So give Bill and the gang a break and take back your Sundays. Get out and enjoy all that fall has to offer. I said it: you deserve better.

Here's a handful of orchards I like and an apple-picking song I wrote with my good friend Hardy to inspire you.

https://rock929rocks.com/listicle/let-adam-12-and-hardy-take-you-apple-picking-in-massachusetts/

Or a haunted graveyard. Or a haunted forest. We've got a lot of haunted places here in MA.

https://rock929rocks.com/listicle/the-12-most-haunted-places-in-massachusetts/

Still want to surf the sofa on Sunday? That's fine. You'll do better with one of these than Sunday Night Football.

https://rock929rocks.com/listicle/the-12-best-stephen-king-movies-chosen-by-you/

Why stop at the Stephen King spooks?

https://rock929rocks.com/galleries/the-greatest-horror-movie-villains-12-inch-poll/

We've got breweries from all over New England for you to check out.

https://rock929rocks.com/2020/09/09/local-breweries-to-visit-this-fall/

Not a beer drinker? We've got you covered.

https://rock929rocks.com/listicle/10-best-cocktails-for-the-fall-season/

Peak foliage is almost upon us. Blink and you'll miss it.

https://rock929rocks.com/listicle/new-englands-best-foliage/

Or a corn "maize," if you're feeling punny.

https://rock929rocks.com/listicle/the-1-corn-maze-in-america-is-right-here-in-new-england/

Or, if you're feeling lazy, let someone else do the carving for you.

https://rock929rocks.com/listicle/1000-carved-illuminated-pumpkins/

And remember: if you buy it AFTER Halloween, you get a discount AND you save money!

https://rock929rocks.com/listicle/each-states-favorite-halloween-candy-we-couldnt-be-prouder-of-massachusetts/

Halloween is on a Monday this year, so you know the weekend before is going to be chock-full of Halloween parties.

https://rock929rocks.com/musthaves/80s-and-90s-inspired-halloween-costumes-that-are-always-a-hit/

An apple cider donut, that is.

https://rock929rocks.com/listicle/heres-where-to-get-the-best-apple-cider-donut-in-massachusetts/