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AUCKLAND, NEW ZEALAND - AUGUST 29: A model prepares backstage ahead of the Stolen Girlfriends Club show during New Zealand Fashion Week 2018 at Red Bull, on August 29, 2018 in Auckland, New Zealand. (Photo by Michael Ng/Getty Images)

There’s someone on Etsy who’s selling GOTH CROCS.  They’re pitch black Crocs that have metal spikes, studs, and chains attached to them . . . and they cost $240.

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These Studded 'Goth Crocs' Will Cost You A Fortune But It's Totally Worth It For All The Sex You'll Have

Are you still struggling to see the light from your annual winter dry spell? Do you need a Swiffer to dust off your Johnson after months of hibernation? Do you not want to put in the effort of actual conversing with a potential mate? Do you hate your dad?